Sometimes I feel way too sensitive. I know, believe me….. I know.
But lately I have felt invisible.
There are times when I feel as though my smile, or my kindness is taken for granted.
I don’t have a sign that says walk on me posted on my forehead either. Something has been bugging the s**t out of me.
I love my friends and I am grateful to have them in my life… but there are times… when I would like to talk.
I have things to say too. I want to participate, not just sit there smiling and nodding. I am more than a listener. I am patient while they go into detail about kids, husbands, boyfriends, jobs, school, illnesses, etc. Long drawn out details. I hate it when I have to jump in quickly to get a word in edgewise and then get interrupted just because I paused to take a breath of air! This does not happen all the time but lately I have noticed that it has happened on several occasions and with different people.
If I want to say something I have to talk fast and get straight to the point and do it as quickly as possible before they take back the conversation and I find myself nodding my head just sitting there being talked at. My neck gets stiff and I start to get a headache. Maybe it takes more effort to listen? Perhaps even more effort when you are not participating in two way speech. I’ve been looking towards my own self esteem issues trying to figure out what kind of signal I might be sending. Things have been tough in my life but not recently I’ve felt much better and moving into a positive direction. My self esteem should be fine. Not that I could discuss it. I don’t get a chance to talk, remember? LOL! Anyway. It’s not with all of my friends that this occurs. In most settings everything flows naturally, and I really enjoy the company. Laughter and talking are an ease and all participate equally.
When I am with a friend who goes on and on about themselves giving every mundane detail without any comment from me other than an “ooh or ah or really”; then I begin to consider that my feelings or thoughts don’t matter much to them. I’m warm and breathing after all. Should be good enough, huh? =) Then I think, why be friends with this person? I’m friends because I like them and other than monopolizing the conversation, they are pretty nice people.
I wonder if I matter at all to them. I probably do. Or maybe not?
Everybody matters, I think. Some folks just don’t notice what they are doing. I always try my best to be considerate; to include everyone and treat all as though they are worthwhile. I never have my back on anybody when we are in a group. If I have to move my chair or change my position I will always open up a space for them to join in so that nobody feels outside the group. I don’t like feeling excluded either, so I try really hard not to do that to anybody.
I really do enjoy listening to people tell funny stories and talk about their life. I do. It just feels much better when I also get to share and take part and be listened to. I know I can’t be the only one who has this problem at times. Do you ever feel invisible in a group or like someone is talking at you instead of with you? It’s like being a third wheel and I don’t like it one bit. I can’t really say that I would stop being friends with the offenders because they are not bad people, just a bit inconsiderate and I don’t know the proper way to tell them this. Why? Because I’m too damned sensitive and I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I’ll swallow the notion and stew in it. LOL!!!
It’s not easy being me.
I don’t know if any of my friends read my blog but if you are one of my friends and you think you might be one of the people who talks on and on. Don’t ask me if you are because I won’t tell you. But here’s an idea for everyone…. The next time you are visiting with friends be sure that you are not the only one doing the talking. =) Spend some time listening too. Everybody has a better time when they get to interact in the conversation.
I received an email from one of my dear friends. “Read Alone” was the title. It was one of those poems that comes up like a presentation and before you get to the meat of the poem, it tells you about the people who did not forward it and the terrible consequences that befell them for not following the instructions. I could feel my blood beginning to boil. WHY is it that people think I’m SAFE to send something like that to? I know that if I sent something like that out to the people in my address book, I would get deleted and blocked. But for some reason I seem to be one of those people who friends think will not yell at them or get mad so they forward me this stuff. NO MORE!
This was my response:
I didn’t even read all of it. As soon as I saw it was THAT kind of poem, I turned it off. So if I die some horrible death or lose my loved ones….. you’ll know it’s because I didn’t forward that email……. I just can’t believe anybody would start a chain like that and that people feel scared enough to send it on. I don’t read them, I don’t forward them and if it is something that I think is worthwhile to send, I always delete out the part where it threatens to bring mass destruction to anyone who does not forward it. I hate those things!
People! Get a grip. Stop forwarding that shit.
I have an idea! If you receive a chain email or letter, if it tells you to forward it to say 10 people for example. Instead send it back to the person who sent it to you 10 times! LOL! Seriously though, these things are idiotic!
I wonder, should I be warning all of my loved ones to be extra careful since they may be more accident prone now?
Read Alone…..
Especially the Poem
I believe whatever God has in store for
us will be for us.
The poem is very true, unfortunately.
Make sure you read the poem!
CASE 1: Kelly Sedey had one wish,
for her boyfriend of three years,
David Marsden, to propose to her.
Then one day when she was out
to lunch David proposed!
She accepted, but then had to leave
because she had a meeting in 20 min.
When she got to her office,
she noticed on her computer she had some e-mail’s.
She checked it, the usual stuff
from her friends, but then she saw one
that she had never gotten before.
It was this poem. She simply deleted it
without even reading all of it.
BIG MISTAKE! Later that evening,
she received a phone call from the police.
It was about DAVID! He had been in an accident
with an 18 wheeler. He didn’t survive!
CASE 2: Take Katie Robinson She received this poem
and being the believer that she was
she sent it to a few of her friends but
didn’t have enough e-mail addresses to send out
the full 10 that you must.
Three days later, Katie went to a masquerade ball.
Later that night when she left to get to her car,
she was killed in that spot by a
hit-and-run drunk driver.
CASE 3: Richard S. Willis sent this poem out
within 45 minutes of reading it.
Not even 4 hours later walking along the street
to his new job interview with a really big
company, when he ran into Cynthia Bell,
his secret love for 5 years. Cynthia came up to
him and told him of her passionate crush on him
that she had for 2 years.
Three days later, he proposed to her and they got
married. Cynthia and Richard are still married
with three children, happy as ever!
This is the poem:
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
“Tomorrow” I say! “I will call on Jim
Just to show that I’m thinking of him.”
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
“Here’s a telegram sir,” “Jim died today.”
And that’s what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don’t be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time
it might
be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends
and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today.
You must send this on in 3 hours after reading the
letter
to 10 other people.
If you do this, you will receive unbelievably good
luck
I was disappointed that someone took a photo and sold it to the tabloids so that Michale Phelps was exploited as a bad bad boy. Well in this day and age many young twenty-somethings are smoking a little pot now and then to blow off steam. It’s not like they are doing hard drugs and from my experience and from what I know, pot is not a portal into hard drugs. That’s like saying that drinking a beer will lead to alcoholism. It may be true for a few but not true for the majority of people who have a beer or two or a glass or two or even a bottle of wine on the weekend. There are many successful and educated, smart intelligent people who smoke marijuana. If it were legalized and taxed, it would bring in needed income to our economy. It’s not like he was caught shooting heroin or smoking crack. I’m not saying it is a good thing to smoke pot but it is a fact of life that people do it. Kelloggs didn’t have an issue that MP got a DUI which is much much worse.
I don’t think it should have been such a big deal and I saw no reason to put Michael Phelp’s head on the chopping block over it. He still went on to win all those gold medals for his country.
As for Kelloggs products, they really aren’t the healthiest foods but they are promoted to children (who love pop-tarts and sugary cereals) so I can see why they would pull out of the ad contract.
This skit from SNL is the BEST! I couldn’t have said this better myself!
The other day I wrote about how I felt conflicted about writing in my blog because I have days when I am not feeling so nice. Wow…. leave it to the universe to bring an answer when you need it.
An old Cherokee was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them, “A battle is raging inside me … it is a terrible fight between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The old man fixed the children with a firm stare. “This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
Sometimes I lose my zest for writing on my blog. There are so many types of blogs out on the net. Some folks have a knack for being philosophical (I can barely spell the word) and others are witty while some are always sooooooo sweeeeet. It makes me feel as if I’m not a nice person because I have ups and downs and bad days that sometimes I want to scream about.
I wonder if I am the only one who feels this way. Ugh! Then I guess I’m not a nice person. haha…
Some of my favorite blogs are from people who tell it like it is. I admire that kind of honesty. I admire the courage it takes to bare one’s true self. Dooce is a good example. I wish I could write like Heather.
I have noticed that some folks frown on having advertising on blogs. I thought about removing mine but then I saw some cool coffee mugs from Amazon so I clicked on them. I like my ads. If not for anyone else, they are there so that I have a fast track to look at my favorite things.
YouTube is another favorite pastime of mine. I have met people and made friends there. Sometimes I post videos on my blog. I had thought for a bit that maybe that was dumb. But I have come to realize that my blog isn’t for views and it isn’t for making money. Its my place to put my favorite things, to rant if I feel the need, to cry and post my intimate feelings when I need a place to do that.
My blog is here for my guilty pleasure and it is here for people who are interested to view into my world for a bit. I am not a “nice” person. I am a normal human being who is far from perfection and I am here to show all of my humanness. Warts and all.
Tonight I’m watching the last episode of Boston Legal.
The show brings to light many real topics. I enjoy hearing both sides to many REAL topics that effect us and our world in daily life. It’s a show that makes you think.
I enjoy watching actors who are not young teeny boppers or twenty somethings. As someone who is approaching 50, I enjoy watching actors who are in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s being vibrant, active members of society. It shows me that we don’t curl up and die and disappear when we get over a certain age.
I am encouraged when I see how beautiful Candace Bergen is and it makes me feel, as a woman, that I can be attractive and have a career that goes beyond being young.
I’ve heard that Lipstick Jungle didn’t get renewed either. Guess 40 something women don’t do anything for the younger audience that network television is going after either.
I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I don’t think there are any shows that cater to my demographic.
Time to stop watching network television? No, I’ll still watch my favorites like Grey’s Annatomy and Desparate Housewives (hey, there’s still a show with women over 40! Yay!).
I love it that Madonna is still rocking it at 50. Cher and Tina Turner give me hope. I know many women in their late 50’s and 60’s who are vibrant, active, beautiful women.
I’m so gonna miss Boston Legal. I can’t for the life of me figure out why it was cancelled. It was one of the BEST shows on network television.
I went for a haircut yesterday and there was a BIG MISCOMMUNICATION with the stylist and I ended up with a buzz cut. I have less than a centimeter of hair all over and on top it sticks straight up looks like a bird. I have about an inch of hair on the top.
The stylist kept gushing about how CUTE this looked on me, and I was TOO fucking polite not to cry right then and there. Even Brad was shocked but he didn’t say anything because I didn’t say anything. Then he was pissed because he said he would not have paid for it and he wanted to go back and complain and get his money back. It was only a $9.99 cut. I don’t care about the money. If they can’t give me my hair back, then there’s nothing to rectify the situation.
So, I have cried and I feel so UGLY and every time I walk by the mirror it is a shock.
I’m pissed at myself.
I will probably wear a hat for the next two months.
The hair cut is hideous so I don’t want to hear that it looks cute or anything about it. You don’t need to say anything.
Thank GOD my hair grows fast!
My head even feels COLD without any hair on the back. Wearing a hat isn’t just to cover up, it makes me feel like I have my hair. I look bad in the hats too but it’s better than this fucking buzz cut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand what happened. I showed this woman a picture of how I wanted my bangs (which is NOTHING like this!) I thought she knew what she was doing and when she ran up the back of my head with the (whatever those things are called that they use on men) hedgers, and I saw all of my hair fall to the floor I went into shock. I think that is why I didn’t say how much I hated it. Then she was going on and on about how great it looked.
After leaving the salon, in shock, traumatized. I thought maybe a different color would make me look better. So I go in and pick up an auburn color. It turns out to be RED! So not only do I have a hidous hair style but it’s red. Not pretty.
This stylist does the hair for one of my friends, and does a good job. Everyone compliments my friends hair, and in fact that is how I happend to go to this stylist.
She cut my hair last time and did a good job.
What the hell happened???????
There’s nothing can be done to fix this, because I have no hair to fix.
I am traumatized enough, so PLEASE when you see me, don’t say anything about the hair.
Later we can have a good laugh but right now it’s not funny. To me anyway. Yet, I do look a fright and it is laughable. Would have made a great halloween look. Hopefully my hair will grow fast and I can do something with it soon.
Lately I’ve noticed that I have been more and more frustrated. I do tend to pick up on the energy from the people I am around and often, when mixed with my own feelings of uncertainty and/or depression I become spiritually drained.
The latest posts on my blog have been “rants” and I don’t apologize for them. I was feeling it when I wrote it so it stays. That’s why my blog is about rants, raves and redemption. If I felt the need to filter what I write, then there would be no purpose in having a blog for me. I’m not always sunshine and roses. Neither is life. It has it’s ups and downs. There are people who are a delight to be around and there are a** holes lurking about as well. If I could filter my life so that nothing bad happened, then I suppose all I would write about would be fluffy stuff. But that ain’t about to happen is it? =)
So, yes I do get murky and blue.
Could it be the weather? Could it be the economy? Have I been going through a rough time? Am I just being a bitch? Probably.
I have been watching Congresswoman Marcy Kaptur for awhile and I like her style. She really tells it like it is and I wanted to post a couple of her speeches on here but the only one I could find was on YouTube so I’ll embed a copy. You can read more about her here.
Note: I wish they hadn’t put the part about Bush and the dictator comment at the end. I tried to find a clean copy of this speech but CSPAN didn’t have it on their site. There is one on Marcy Kaptur’s site but I don’t know how to embed it and I’m not sure of copyright restrictions.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe
If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." -- John F. Kennedy
