I’ve been concerned for my dear boy who has it in his head that he must live in a house with no heat (too expensive), with roommates, transferring to a new college and looking for a job and finishing up his semester and final exams here in Sac all at the same time. Mom isn’t around to help out and with the economy and jobs the way they’re going, I can’t do a lot financially either. Boy do I feel hopeless sometimes.
He’s excited to be living the grown up life. Welcome to the real world, kind of living. Yeah it hits like a ton of bricks. So as a mom. I worry. It’s my job.
I didn’t even know if I would see him for Christmas so I’d already sent his gift down to him. Christmas felt like it would be just be another ordinary day, but a day when I would feel depressed because it was Christmas Day!!!
This afternoon I got an unexpected surprise when he called to tell me he was on his way from Mountain View to stop by, visit and pick up a few of his things. YAAAAAAAY! My little heart went flitter flutter. Yeah, I’m sappy. I’ve said so time and time again.
He walked in the door, gave me a big hug and headed for the kitchen. While I was making him a couple of burritos he was inhaling the pickles, apple juice, anything he could grab on to. The boy was HUNGRY!
It kills me to see him struggling but that is part of growing up and moving out on one’s own. I know I went through it. Very few people have wealthy parents who can afford to finance their kids transition into adulthood. In a perfect world, maybe. But in this time when my husband’s job is cutting back their hours from 40 to 20 hours a week. We’re lucky to have a roof over our head and utilities. That’s about all we can afford and food is something we have to stretch.
My son is doing well otherwise, he’s been applying for jobs and has some good prospects. He’s looking for restaurant work. He’s a full time college student and since he lives with a shitload of roomies, rent is cheap. He’s got his first serious girlfriend and he is excited about that. Girlfriends do cost money. He was going to need to get her something nice for Christmas.
Isn’t this a gorgeous?
Newsboy Hat and Scarflette done with Bernat acrylic in Earth and Cozi(chenille like) acrylic in Marbled Taupe as the trim. The Earth color is a dark brown with bumps in creams and golds, Very beautiful and the marbled taupe is a perfect trim, as you will agree. This is simply breath-taking.
Lucky for us, my mom has a nice store on Etsy and she allows us to shop at a HUGE, discount. Basically, she gives us what we would enjoy having. So, tonight my son and I went shopping for his girlfriends Christmas gift. He chose a really nice copper necklace. Then my mom asked me if I wanted to pick something out for myself and I picked out a beautiful Lacy Agate and Copper necklace and a pair of Copper earrings.
I almost picked this:
I had my eye on it for some time. But when I held the other necklace in my hand and looked at the stone, I was in love with it. I wish I had a photo, but she took it down from her store. <sorry
Thank God for Moms!
Since we have been in such a bind Christmas this year has been lean. I’ve put up very little in decorations other than my candles and I do play Christmas music and we’ve been watching Christmas shows and movies so we are not completely void of holiday spirit. We have it in our hearts this year instead of our wallets.
We have enjoyed holiday get togethers with friends. So, we’ve been celebrating. It’s just the big day that I wasn’t looking forward to. Kind of like a build up to a let down.
Last night I was thinking that perhaps by volunteering somewhere is what people do to lift the mood. I didn’t want to have a boring, Christmas day with little or no activity. It’s one thing to watch TV during the holiday but ON THE HOLIDAY I need something more.
I asked my mom what she would think if we volunteered at the VFW to cook Christmas dinner and serve the veterans who have no place to go. I know they do this at our post every Christmas and Thanksgiving and on Thanksgiving they served over 80 dinners. I didn’t know how it would be received but my family WANTS to do this and is looking forward to it. I am JAZZED!!!!! I think I am looking forward to this Christmas more than I have ever in a long time. There will be music, and the smell of baked hams and all the fix-ins. We don’t have to purchase the food, but we get to enjoy cooking it and serving it and visiting with people. It’s going to be fun. I’ve always enjoyed the times that I have cooked dinners or volunteered at other post activities. (I’m a life member of the Ladies Auxiliary) You get lost in the camaraderie and the festivities and the work, it’s not really work at all.
So I called today and volunteered us. It happens that the person who they were depending on is in the hospital and they will need the extra help. My son, who hardly ever goes anywhere with us, is even planning on helping. Hell! I’m excited he was even planning to be home for Christmas! I guess when they move out, our kids actually miss us. =) He’s going to be home for the holidays.
Yes, it’s going to be a very Merry Christmas this year!
I would not have expected that during a time when we are all struggling that I would be anticipating the good times ahead. But I am. More than ever!
We spent Thanksgiving with friends in Oregon this year. It was a relaxing 4 days in Oregon away from the city life. The ladies had a spa day with massages while the men went off to ride go-carts. We had smoked turkey that was the best I’ve ever had. We played pinball, pool, sat in the hot tub, sang karaoke, played cards, laughed, and talked. It was so nice.
My cat’s name is Buddy, but I doubt that I have ever called him by his name. To me he is Boopy, Boopty-doo, BooBoo or Boopty-doopty.
I’ve never been one to use pet names or talk baby talk to anyone. There are only a few exceptions and I have to really feel a great deal of affection in order to stoop to the rediculas such as this. For I am not sappy, nor do I ususally stand for such behaviour. I have never referred to a love interest as Baby, Honey, Sweetheart, etc. I would feel embarrassed. Don’t get me wrong, I am a mush on the inside. I cry at the drop of a hat and I’m one of those who needs a box of kleenex when watching movies that pull on the heart strings.
The only human beings that I ever had pet names for were my brother and one of my sisters. My brother was given an unconventional name when he was born. Jean Phillipe. His name was never meant to be pronounced as Gene, it is the French name for John. My mom nicknamed him Jody because she loved the show Family Affair with Buffy and Jody. My step-father called him Jo-Po. Which he pronounced Yo-Po. So as an adult he now uses his given name, Jean, but he pronounces it John and everyone in his adult life calls him John. Except for me and my mom. He’ll always be Jody to me. It’s an affectionate name and it is who I relate to when I think of him. I know many siblings who as adults still call their brothers and sisters by the nicknames they had as kids. I have a friend who calls his sister, Denice, Neicy. Since I am around them a lot, I have found myself referring to her as Neicy as well.
When I was 10 years old, my mom gave birth to my sister. My mom had endometriosis and had to have a cesarean. When she was getting ready to come home from the hospital, her stitches tore and her abdomen opened. It was a nasty experience and in the end my mom had to remain in bed and could not get up even to tend to my sister as she had gauze and dressings on her wound and could not risk it coming open again. I stayed home from school for two weeks and at 10 years old, I was making formula (from scratch), and taking care of an infant, from diaper changes to bathing. I was the one who got up for the 2 am feedings. I would get everything and bring it to my mom as she had to remain in bed. Through all of this, I developed a deep attachment to my sister. I loved her a protected her fiercely.
A few years later our family was stationed in Germany. (Step-father was an officer in the Air Force) My mom had to come back to the states for my grandfather’s funeral and she again became ill due to the endometriosisand this time she had to have surgery which kept her in the states for several months. I was 13 and had to take on full responsibility for my sister. She was with me 24 hours a day. She was barely 3 years old at the time. My step-father didn’t pay much attention to us. He went to work, came home and he really didn’t bother to care for us kids. My brother and my other sister were cared for by the neighbors as we lived on an air force base in Germany and everyone in our housing community was like family.
My mom says she was receiving letters from people on our base about how us kids were being neglected and they were doing everything they could to help out, but since my step-dad was an officer, there wasn’t a lot that they could do, so they kept my mom informed and watched over us kids.
I worked at the commissary on base as a grocery bagger for tips and what I earned there was enough to feed my sister and I. We could go to the chow-hall on base and eat as much as we wanted for less than a buck. They never made me pay for two, I just paid ninety nine cents and went through the buffet line and got enough for both of us.
Movies on base were twenty-five cents and they never charged me for her, so I was able to go with my friends. There was a time though when her legs were hurting her and I had to leave because she was crying. Another time, I was at a dance and took her with me and she got scared so I had to leave and take her home. It was not easy caring for a toddler when I was only 13 years old. I was the oldest and was always there to help my mom. She could depend on me and I felt grown up to be able to follow through.
Fortunately this all occurred during the summer so school was out. It was a long, long few months without my mom. My sister started calling me “mama”. I discouraged that and I don’t know where she got the idea to call me that. I told her not to call me that. It was too weird and I was already getting so tired of having her with me constantly with no break. I could not be a normal kid with a three year old attached at the hip. For all intense purposes I had become like a mother. Hence, the pet name.
My pet name for my sister was Tootie. It all began when I was about 11 and my sister would follow me everywhere. One day, and I am NOT proud of this, but remember, I was a kid, I called out, “Come here shit head.” and she came running with delight. I thought it was so funny. I know it wasn’t and to this day she holds it against me for calling her that. Although she doesn’t really remember it. It’s just a story that has lasted over the years. I don’t remember how the name Tootie came to be, but it was around that time that I started to call her that and it stuck. To me, it was endearing. My “Tootie” was just the sweetest child.
For me, the pet name that I called my sister was just like when I call out to my precious kitty cat that I love so much. I don’t call out, “Buddy.” I call out with affection, “Where’s my Boopy?” Sappy, I know. <sigh> That’s just the way I am.
Pet names are not unusual and I have seen many families carry on from children into adulthood speaking of special people in their lives whether it’s an aunt, uncle, grandparents and yes, siblings who are known to them under a specific name given of love, carried forward as if to say “YOU” are special to me. “YOU” know me like no one else does. “YOU” know “ME”.
My brother used to drive me nuts and there were times I felt like I hated him. There are many more things I remember that he did that showed his true spirit. I used to help my mom do the easter baskets so I didn’t have one, I just got my share of the candy. One easter morning I woke up and my brother had taken candy from his basket and made me an easter basket because he thought I didn’t get visited by the easter bunny.
I picked on him, but God help anyone else who did. There were a few times when I came to his rescue. Man, I wished I had a big brother or sister to protect me. Nope, I was the protector. And, I was the tormentor at times too. It’s just the way it is in the sibling world. =)
Yes, the people we grew up with lived the same ups and downs with the same family, under the same roof. We grow into adults and we have our adult lives and we change and grow out of the person we were as kids. Yet, I have to believe that in some ways there is a certain sense of gratification in all of us because we have someone in our life who remembers the milestones of our childhood because they were there with us.
I no longer call my sister Tootie but sometimes I call her the “Pootin Lady” and she gets so MAD! LOL! No harm is meant by it. All of us have fart stories. One time they caught me on tape and played it for everyone. It was really funny though. See, we all know each other’s most embarrassing stories too.
Pet names are given to those who remain the closest to our hearts.
This is probably why I have always felt the need to have access to bodies of water. I don’t think I have ever lived beyond a few hours drive of the ocean in my life. When I think about the states in the middle of the USA, I often feel this dreadful feeling of being boxed in. I’m sure they have lakes and rivers that if I were to live there, I would go to, but there is just something about the ocean that relaxes me. The sound of the seagulls, the salty air, the waves crashing along the shore or onto the rocks. It mesmerizes my spirit and frees my mind.
When I lived in San Francisco I would often take my lunch hour and get a sandwich and drive down and sit in my car facing the ocean while I ate my lunch. It relaxed me. Then I’d head back to the office.
Now that I live in Sacramento, it takes an hour and a half drive to get there from here. I moved to Sac because the cost of living was cheaper but I do miss the bay.
I do have a huge aquarium in my living room. =) Oh, and candles. I MUST have candles. The mood of the room feels so good when there are candles. My husband drives me crazy because he could sit in his recliner in the dark with just the tv going. Sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing with this guy because we have NOTHING in common. It frustrates the shit out of me. We are like night and day. He’s a good man though and treats me exceptionally well. I probably am more of a pain in the ass to live with than he is. He thinks I’m silly with my candles.
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.
Emotional? Am I emotional? LOL!!! I run on emotions baby! I drive myself and everyone around me crazy with my emotional ups and downs.
Chimera
Water with Fire
Astrologically associated with Cancer and the Fourth House
Chimera types are motivated to achieve and maintain emotional closeness between themselves and those they are close to. They are among the most outgoing of all the types. They have a strong sense of community harmony and cooperation. They are devoted to their family whether this is an actual family or a specially chosen group of like-minded individuals.
This is true. I may not always see eye to eye with my relatives but I do consider my friends as my family. They have been with me more over the years than my relatives have.
They thrive in company and are rarely alone.
I do like my alone time though, but even when I am secluded on my computer, I have many online friends who keep me company.
They find personal fulfillment in supportive nurturing and caring roles but they emphasize self-reliance for all. They are intensely protective of those they love and are both perceptive and intuitive regarding their needs. They can seem at times to be in a world of their own because of a capacity for reflection. They are very emotionally expressive which can seem like “gushing” to other more restrained types.
The office, the club, family, friends. Any organization has politics.
You can’t escape it.
There’s always a pecking order. It’s nice to be at the top but we all experience different levels. Often finding ourselves knocked on our ass.
I asked a friend of mine the other day how she deals with the politics of an organization we both belong to. Helen (not her real name) is always confident and carries on with her volunteer work unscathed by anything that’s going on with the political powers that be.
I am a *Life Member and have been with this organization for years. Some years we have officers who are wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful and gracious human beings who bring value and some years we have officers who are small minded people who do nothing but turn the place upside down. These are the times when I just want to throw my hands up in the air and say, “I quit!” “Who voted for these people?!!!!!”
It feels like they are working against me instead of with me.
Why?
Because if you do something and you do it well, there are always going to be some folks who want to see you fail. They’ll help you do it too!
I get fed up with that mentality sometimes and it eats away at me.
You may have noticed that I have to work REALLY HARD to stay positive. It doesn’t come naturally. It’s easier to be lazy and let the negative stuff occupy my head than to make an effort to think about the good things, to ground myself and force the negative stuff to leave my mind.
So I asked Helen how she does it. She told me that if she allowed what people say about her to affect her, she’d go crazy. LOL! She keeps in mind the people who need our services and why we do this. Our work is important outside of ourselves. She says to hell with the rest. She does what she does.
Good advice.
Well obviously, I’m allowing it to affect me and I’m going crazy. =) I think I go through this cycle every few years with this organization. I am the editor of their quarterly newsletter and the web site administrator so I am very much involved and I do my job well. There is a very small handful of people who are not happy about it and do not wish me success but if I worry about what they think then it’s making me hate what I do and I LOVE what I do. I should do what I do and to hell with the rest. Right?
My work is important to those who are in need of our services. I know that. (But still need to be reminded) It’s outside of my ego. But I still allowed other peoples’ insecurity to stimulate MY desire to be accepted and appreciated. I’m NOT the important one here, my work IS. I can be such an idiot when I let people get to me.
Helen is right. She’s the person I always go to when I need to whine. She always sets me straight and gets me back on my path. It’s important to have someone like Helen in our lives to pull us back or slap us silly when we begin to blubber. (I don’t mean that literally.) <grin>
I watched Sarah Palin on SNL and was thinking about how I even ranted about her. I gotta hand my respect to that woman for facing up to all of the crap everyone has thrown her way.
Politics are just plain nasty. It doesn’t matter if it’s at home, your workplace, organizations you belong to or your group of friends. It can get ugly and it takes a real strong, confident person to take it all with a grain of salt and let it roll right off their backs. I admire that in a person and I am going to work towards being that kind of person.
I’m still a supporter of Obama for President but I have to admit, I’m likin’ Sarah a lot more as a person. I thought she did well on Saturday Night Live. Yay! Sarah! You go girl!
* Life membership was gifted to me for all of my work for this organization. I am honored to have received this and the last thing I should do is second guess myself, but it happens. =)
Zip Lock-seal bags or any container with a lid you can seal (glass or plastic)
A few drops of Eucalyptus essential oil of you can use Lavender or whatever your choice.
I like Eucalyptus when it’s cold and flu season. It seems to clear my sinuses and makes me feel better. I like Lavender when I just want to relax and unwind.
Light some candles and listen to some soothing music….. ah
My favorite relaxing music is on the Celtic channel on Rhasopdy.
I want to own a home with lush green gardens. I want to grow my own vegetables (other than my patio tomatoes) and I want to celebrate the family and friends in my life.
I want a satisfying job, with great benefits that include paid time off for rest and relaxation, travel and to afford more than just the basic neccessities. I want to see and experience the beautiful things in this world.
Is that asking too much?
I built my dream board to help me manifest what I want. Seeing is believing after all.
While I was writing my “About Me” page, words flowed and the story that followed was one of hurt and despair. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt the painful memories and what’s worse was that I branded myself based on that story. We all have something from our past that haunts us but really is that story of hurt something that needs to identify with who we are today?
Perhaps our stories have had a significant part in forming our reasons for reacting to certain stimuli in our environment, some situations can bring back the inner child in us who had no choice but to succumb to the will of others.
The thing is, today. I am free from those hurts. I no longer have the people in my life who caused the pain, yet in many ways the after effects still linger. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. Sinking into a cesspool of self degridation and darkness. I’ve lashed out as well and hurt people as I traveled down my own shitty road. I’ve held on to the pain and it has become a familiar friend.
Letting go of something that has been a major part of me has not been an easy task. When I wrote my “about me” page I was disappointed when I read it. True there are things that are very painful and probably others would identify with me and understand yet, I do not wish to be remembered or thought of as a dark soul. I am not that person anymore. I’ve grown and moved on yet when asked to write “about me” that old story is what naturally came to mind.
How would you feel if you took a particular story that has been a part of you and let it go? What would it be like to say, “I don’t want that story anymore”? Susie nailed it perfectly in her article, What is your story?
To give myself a little credit for not compelety sinking and licking old wounds, I will offer an excerpt from what I wrote on my “About me” page. You won’t see it there because I deleted it. There is only one part of it I saved, here it is:
Once I read a card that said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I will never forget those words and the impact that they had on my life at that very moment. It really made me think.
I was going to have to live with myself and it didn’t matter with whom or where. I was the only one who had any power over my destiny. It all came from within me. I didn’t need to be approved of by anybody. The courage and strength to raise my head high and know that I do deserve a good life, I do deserve to be treated well, I do deserve to be here. That is something that I can give myself. Nobody can give that to me. And they can only take it away if I give them the power. That power, my life, my soul… belongs to me.
Perhaps when I wrote that I WAS changing my story. I like to think I did. =)
Gazing up at the clouds drifting by the moon last night was mesmirizing. If I could have lain on a bed of smooth grass I might have watched it for hours. Instead, standing on my patio had to do. But still, it was soothing and relaxing. The moon is my must have every evening. I feel its energy radiating deep within my being. Its beauty and light a wonderlust of magic that feeds my inner Moon Goddess.
Moonlight
As a pale phantom with a lamp
Ascends some ruined haunted stair,
So glides the moon along the damp
Mysterious chambers of the air.
Now hidden in cloud, and now revealed,
As if this phantom, full of pain,
Were by the crumbling walls concealed,
And at the windows seen again.
Until at last, serene and proud
In all the splendor of her light,
She walks the terraces of cloud.
Supreme as Empress of the Night.
I look, but recognize no more
Objects familiar to my view;
The very pathway to my door
Is an enchanted avenue.
All things are changed. One mass of shade,
The elm-trees drop their curtains down;
By palace, park, and colonmade
I walk as in a foreign town.
The very ground beneath my feet
Is clothed with deviner air;
White marble paves the silent street
And glimmers in the empty square.
Illusion! Underneath there lies
The comman life of everyday;
Only the spirit glorifies
With its own tints the sober grey.
In vain we look, in vain uplift
Our eyes to heaven, if we are blind;
We see but what we have the gift
Of seeing; what we bring we find.
Sometimes we lose or perspective of who we are when we try to please everyone else and forget to be ourselves. Or I should say, forget who we are. There are so many different facets to each and everyone of us. So many things to embrace and be proud of.
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore… and who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past,
there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
This is one of my favorite songs. I would like to put together a photo collage with some video and use this recording. That’s one of my projects to complete. Who cares if my singing isn’t perfection? I’m not perfect but I like to have fun.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe
If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." -- John F. Kennedy
