I often find it a treat to discover new artists on the internet. Watching them develop over time, honing in on skills and finding their niche along the way. One such delight is Shannon Blystone. I started listening to Shannon on You Tube about two years ago. Her channel is oconvideo.
Shannon is definitely someone I would like to see in the more mainstream media. I look forward to the day I hear her on the radio or see her walking the red carpet. It can happen. I used to listen to Colbie Calaiton my space way back before she had her first cd out. Now she’s well known for her talent. Shannon, is on her way up!
Beautiful and absolutely amazing! 4 different people working on the same digital canvas at the same time. This is something to sit back, relax and take in. Very enjoyable.
I used to feel that I was worthless and unlovable if I was not a perfect size 9. I’m not one who easily can maintain a thin frame. I’m meant to be a healthy gal. =) As I have become in my 40’s my weight has gone up and I do tend to use food as comfort when I am depressed. It makes me feel better. I’ve accepted myself on one hand that I am big yet on the other hand there is that part of me who despises and can’t stand to look at photographs because I can’t stand to see this fat lady.
In order to be happy I have had to let go of the illusion of what true beauty is.
An example that comes to mind for me is the show, Real Housewives of Orange County. There is this one dumb blond named Gretchen who, by her bleached blond hair and her great spray tanned body would seem to be the most beautiful one of the group but in my point of view after getting to see the true character of the women on the show, Jeana, is by far the most beautiful of all the women. Jeana struggles with her weight and she is not thin. But she really has a good soul. I would expect hell to open up and swallow Gretchen, that’s how shallow and fake and empty she is. Yet Jeana is someone who is warm and loving even when people aren’t that way to her.
I hope that I have a good soul.
There was a time in my life when I sought to be perfect on the outside. When I couldn’t control my life, when I couldn’t control my eating, I could control my weight. I felt more in control when I could limit the food I ate. Even better and more in control when I could keep my food intake to 5 fingers. If I could always by the end of the day, count on one hand what I had eaten that day, it was a good day. I started each day on the scale and the measuring tape was in my make-up drawer used daily to measure my waist. I never went beyond 28 inches in the waist or 38 inches in the hips. I could tell you my thigh and calf measurements back then as well. I wrote them down everyday. I vowed that I would NEVER be fat again…
When I started to crave food and realized that food was winning. I ate even more. I started to buy two bags of cookies and hid one so that when I ate the entire bag I could replace it with the one I finished, and I would eat some of that too so that it didn’t look like a new bag. I did this with just about anything. Chips, ice cream… I would stop and eat at Dairy Queen sometimes on the way home and eat the dinner that was cooked when I got home. Always these things were finished off when I would go take a hot bath. That was my way of getting off to myself to throw up. It was always better to do it immediately so that is wasn’t as gross. GROSS????? My God, it was always gross. I was just kidding myself. I remember my son knocking on the door asking, “Mommy are you okay?” All while I was shoving a spoon down my throat. I look back on that and I cringe. Was that me?
I did end up going into the hospital and my eating disorders were addressed. Even there it felt good to have to have someone go with me through the food line and make sure that I didn’t disappear after eating meals. I don’t know why it felt good but it did. Kind of like something I didn’t think was real was in fact very real. Does that make sense?
So today I am fat but I am not binging and/or purging. I accept me for me and that’s all I can do. I still hate to see pictures of myself though. I hope that those who know me can find some beauty in me on the inside as I will probably never be that vavavoom perfect size 9 unless I really starve and abuse myself to get there.
I was inspired to write about my experience with bulimia and anorexia because of a video that I saw today. I will post it below. It was pretty raw and sad. I’m lucky. I don’t know if people in my life know that I ever struggled or how crazy it got.
Here is the music video by Emily Rose, it’s titled, Full.
Special thank you goes out to Shelby’s mom, Kathy, for making this video possible.
I thought it was silly how all the media was making a big deal about Jessica Simpson putting on a few pounds. I think she just chose an unflattering outfit. And if Jessica were to put on weight would that mean she would no longer be worthy of our attention?
I have been following a channel on YouTube called Project Lifesize. It is a collaboration channel that was started by Meghan Tonjes.
Meghan started the channel as a way for people who felt overlooked and unloved due to their size to feel worthy. The channel covers issues such as eating disorders, self respect and relationships, as well as love and acceptance of people regardless of what size they are.
Meghan has also proven to be a talented songwriter and artist. She is about to launch a record album of her songs.
Author Kelly Corrigan wrote this moving essay about women’s remarkable capacity to support each other, to laugh together, and to endure. The full text is available in the paperback edition of her memoir,The Middle Place, on sale December 23, 2008.
This essay reminds me of the friendships that I have developed over the years. Growing up as a military brat, we moved about every 2 years so I was unable to develop longstanding relationships. Though I do have to point out that the bonds of the military families that I grew up with were strong. It was that we had to leave them that was painful and many lost touch with us. I do have a couple of friends from my childhood but not many. It wasn’t until I lived here in the same town for the last 20 years that I have friendships that have lasted as long.
Some people have come and gone in my life. I”ve missed them but for whatever reason our paths took a different direction. Others have stayed as we traveled on our journey. New friends have also emerged and brought with them a refreshing twist as I learned new things and adapted them to my lifestyle. We have raised out kids together and we have gone through empty nest together. Illnesses, births, deaths and so on.
I belong to a group of women friends who get together once a month just to hang out, drink wine, eat fine dishes brought by everyone. We sometimes have a theme, sometimes we just talk but it is always a delight and I leave feeling great and the feeling lingers for a long time. I am so grateful to be included in such fine company.
I was truly touched by the essay because it expresses my feelings in a way I could never have put into words, but it is the way my heart sings when I think of the people in my life who mean so much.
I remember back when I first saw Janis Ian and thought she was kind of plain. But now I look at this and see how beautiful she was. The idea of beauty back then was the women on Charlie’s Angels. Now I look back and see how “dated” they look.
I wonder if it is because the standards of what is considered beauty have changed since 1976. I remember feeling so fat because I wasn’t stick thin. Looking back, I wasn’t really fat at all. My body isn’t meant to be thin and I had a healthy figure that was attractive. I wish I had appreciated it then because I would give anything to have it back.
By today’s standards, Janis’s ethnic looks are very attractive. Her hair, her eyes…. she’s gorgeous.
It’s too bad we tend to not appreciate ourselves as we are.
This girl is so funny she always makes me laugh. Tessa is a professional model in New York. Her video blogs (vlogs) show what it’s like to travel and do photo shoots from all around the world.
Tessa doesn’t take herself too seriously, she goofs off with her video camera at home and will have your rolling over laughing with her wit and charm. Whether she’s lip sincing, dancing or talking about her day, she’s a hoot! LOL! You can watch more by clicking on them or go to her channel and subscribe if you are a true (meaning you have a channel on YT) YouTuber like me. =)
What I love about her the most is that she seems genuine. She’s not trying to be sexy. She doesn’t need to try. She just is, and not in a slutty way. Sometimes she wears these big glasses that are really dorky though she pulls it off with supreme style in her own funky way. She’s adorable!
Here’s one of my favorites, or maybe a favorite favorite would be a better term. They’re all entertaining. Aw…. I can’t really say which is my fave. You’ll have to watch them yourself. You can watch all of them by subscribing to her you tube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/meekakitty.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control at times and hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe
If by a "Liberal" they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights, and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a "Liberal," then I'm proud to say I'm a "Liberal." -- John F. Kennedy
